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Sunday, April 12, 2009

Ten Of The Great Disappointments In Life

1. Getting a cardboard puzzle as the 'suprise' in your Kinder Egg
2. Waking up to realise the clocks have gone forward
3. Finding that the 'Big Match Revisited' on ITV4 is highlights of the Division Two match between Leyton Orient and Brighton & Hove Albion. From 1979.
4. Realising too late that The Colour Of Money in the TV schedules is a crappy gameshow, not the Paul Newman movie.
5. The new U2 album (whatever year of the 21st Century it is)
6. Having a quarter-bowl worth of cereal left in the packet
7. Final Score
8. Oxford Street
9. Burnt toast
10. Luton Airport

Friday, April 10, 2009

Ten Rubbish Groups Who Probably Haven't Told Their Parents What Their Band Is Called

1. Selfish C**t
2. Nashville Pussy
3. F*** Buttons
4. Holy F***
5. F***
6. The F***ing Champs
7. Anal C**t
8. The C**ts
9. F***ed Up
10. The F***in' S**t Biscuits

Ten Canapes I'd Never Eat

1. Chicken sandwich minus the filling
2. Doritos with added dollop
3. Blinis wrapped round cucumber
4. Bruschetta Doorsteps
5. Tomato and mozzarella, 'grilled in some way'
6. Hot tinned tuna and basil oil
7. Peanut butter sandwiches
8. Wraps with extra leaves
9. Cold vol-au-vents
10. A piece of cheese and a lump of branston on a cocktail stick

Ten London Roads That Used to be Called Charles Street

1. Aylward St, E1
2. Scurr St, E14
3. Greville St, EC1
4. Viscount St, EC1
5. Yeate St, N1
6. Corrall Rd, N7
7. Phoenix Rd, NW1
8. Nicholson St, SE1
9. Trevor St, SW7
10. Queensdale Pl, W11