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Monday, April 16, 2007

Ten Variations On A Rather Obvious Headline Pun

1. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Freddie? (The Observer)
2. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Mourinho? (The Mail On Sunday)
3. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Korea? (Time)
4. How Do You Solve A Problem Like ITV? (The Independent)
5. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Blair? (The Guardian)
6. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Sharia? (American Thinker)
7. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Mary? (Christian Broadcasting Network)
8. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Obama? (Chicago Sun-Times)
9. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Nasrallah? (World Net Daily)
10. How Can A Linguist Solve A Problem Like 'La Présidente'? (The Telegraph)

Ten Revealing Entries In The 'Cast Of Characters' Appendix Of Piers Morgan's 'Don't You Know Who I Am?' (Ebury Press)

1. AA Gill - "Absurdly smug and annoying TV critic"
2. Alan Sugar (Sir) - "Permanently angry tycoon"
3. David Aaranovitch - "Fat, miserable Guardian columnist"
4. David Blunkett - "Former Home Secretary, now serial whinger"
5. Ian Hislop - "Professional cynic and part-time editor of Private Eye"
6. John Prescott - "Political laughing stock"
7. Kate Winslet - "Very-pleased-with-herself actress"
8. Pete Doherty - "Singer (allegedly)"
9. Rebecca Loos - "My second cousin, also known for having fling with David Beckham"
10. Rod Liddle - "Britain's ugliest man. Also writes"

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Ten Letters To Today's Times

1. Spectacles, rectangular shape thereof - L Hewings, Taunton, Somerset
2. Hostages, comparisons with Red Guard treatment, Beijing - Sir J Weston, Richmond, Middlesex
3. Hostages, ineffectuality of UN with regards to - Lt Commander K Arnitage (retd), Kesgrave, Suffolk
4. Prince Albert, talents as a hat designer - M Dennis, Gillingham, Kent
5. MPs, relative value of salaries - P Inson, Wembley, Middlesex
6. Cycling, topography of Britian as a limit to - J Gallini, St Leonards, Sussex
7. CPS, charging process of - C Pitt, Southampton, Hampshire
8. Home births, practicality of - E Annesley, Nottingham, Nottinghamshire
9. Army Benevolent Fund, appeal on behalf of - C Samuel, Cardiff, Glamorgan
10. Incas, record keeping systems of - P Thompson, London

Sunday, April 08, 2007

George Foreman's Ten Children

1. Natalie Foreman
2. Michi Foreman
3. Leona Foreman
4. Freeda George Foreman
5. George Edward Foreman Jr
6. George Edward Foreman III
7. George Edward Foreman IV
8. George Edward Foreman V
9. George Edward Foreman VI
10. Georgetta Foreman

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Ten Ridiculous Jean-Claude Van Damme Character Names

1. Chance Boudreaux (Hard Target, 1993)
2. Phillip Sauvage (The Hard Cops, 2006)
3. Lyon Gaultier (Lionheart, 2000)
4. Frank Dux (Bloodsport, 1988)
5. Gibson Rickenbacker (Cyborg, 1989)
6. Edward 'The Torch' Garrotte (Replicant, 2001)
7. Jacques Kristoff (Derailed, 2002)
8. Charles Le Vaillant (The Order, 2001)
9. Rudy Cafmeyer (The Order, 2001)
10. Gay Karate Man (Monaco Fever, 1984)

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Jeremy Kyle's Ten Best Topics

1. Who's Father To Your Baby? Me Or My Dad?
2. I Can't Remember Cheating On You But I'll Prove You're Our Baby's Dad!
3. My Kids Are Black And Angry!
4. Mum, Please Start Eating, Please Stop Drinking!
5. I'm A Binge Drinker And A Drug Dealer, But I'll Be A Great Dad!
6. A Forty Year Feud - But Are We Even Sisters?
7. Irresistible To Women - My Fiancee Accepts It's Not My Fault!
8. Your Baby's Too White To Be Mine!
9. I Want My Boyfriend To Give Birth To Our Baby!
10. Has My Mum Had A Baby With My Husband?

Ten Teams That Romario Has Scored For In His 1000-goal Quest

1. Brazil
2. Brazil Olympic Team
3. Brazil World Cup winners (tenth anniversary team)
4. PSV
5. PSV Stars
6. Adelaide FC
7. Olaria Infants (aged 13)
8. Miami FC
9. Friends of Aldair
10. Friends of Lusinho