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Saturday, May 27, 2006

Ten True Facts About Chuck Norris That Are Acually True*

1. Chuck Norris would like to be remembered as a Humanitarian.
2. Chuck Norris won an award for the 'Texas Ranger' theme song.
3. Chuck Norris is dedicated to kicking drugs out of America.
4. Chuck Norris has returned to the faith of his youth.
5. Chuck Norris was born in Ryan (which is a place in Oklahoma, not a man).
6. Chuck Norris' real name is Carlos Ray Norris.
7. Chuck Norris taught martial arts to Priscilla Presley.
8. Chuck Norris lives on a ranch.
9. Chuck Norris turned down the part of Sensei Kreese in the Karate Kid on the grounds that he did not want his name ot be associated with villainy.
10. Chuck Norris is a firm believer of the maxim "When one door closes, a bigger one opens."

*One of which is also actually interesting (clue: it's no.7)

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Ten Ways To Deface The Tube Door Signs To Make Them Amusing

1. Dan : keep every ear
2. anger: keep very clear
3. ange : hi
4. Dan : keep verythin
5. Danger: thin doors
6. hing e the doors
7. ange : i do
8. an ear
9. er: er thing
10. Danger: thin ear

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Ten Really Rubbish Come-Ons From A Sex Chat Site I Was Sent As Spam (Honest)

1. 'Getting a daily dose of protein rich yogurt can absolutely complete my day.'
2. 'I want to try it on the train's narrow bathroom. The cramped surface will only heighten the excitement.'
3. 'One of my sexual fantasies is to be able to get Usher down in (sic) his knees'
4. 'I love it when guys look down at my bulging melons.'
5. 'Kiss me lustily hard.'
6. 'I love letting him fondle my grassy garage.'
7. 'Let’s make it happen. I’m so warm that I didn’t realize that I’m actually masturbating.'
8. 'I’m going under!!!'
9. 'Don't just stand in the tub and go at it - this is a recipe for nasty slippage.'
10. 'Stretch out our foreplay by spending at least fifteen minutes in my erogenous zones.'

Sunday, May 14, 2006

The Ten Best Named Pet Shop Boys Fan Sites

1. Euphoric (UK:
2. Euroboy (Russia:
3. It's Not A Sin (Peru:
4. Ten Years Of Being Boring (Poland:
5. For My Own Good (Japan:
6. HistoryGraphy (Brazil:
7. Poetically (Germany:
8. Pet Shop Boys In Denial (Denmark:
9. Funnily Enough (UK:
10. Partly Pet Shop Boys (Russia:

The Ten Best Limited Edition Foodstuffs

1. Chunky Peanut Butter Kit Kat
2. Crunchie Bubbly
3. Wispaccino
4. Yorkie: the Nutter
5. Mini Pringles
6. Aero White
7. Dark & Gold Mars Bar
8. Cadbury Creme Egg Ice Lolly
9. Reese's Inside Out
10. Vanilla Ice Cream Monster Munch

Ten Great But Slightly Inappropriate Names For Dogs

1. Alan
2. Harold
3. Dave
4. Clive
5. Pete
6. Nicholas
7. Duncan
8. Colin
9. Keith
10. Gary

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Ten Things You Can Do One-Handed

1. Stifle a yawn
2. Salute (standard UK military, cub scout or Hitler)
3. Telephone your auntie
4. Clean out your ear canals with cotton buds*
5. Do the mime for sleeping
6. Play those little Brazilian shakey bell things (one at a time)
7. Celebrate a goal, Alan Shearer style
8. Count the number of weekdays on your fingers
9. Tell the traffic warden exactly what you think of him
10. Do a shadow puppet of a rearing horse

*Although both The Lister and Johnson's Cotton Buds warn that this could cause damage to the inner ear

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Ten Things You Can't Do One-Handed

1. Eat a kebab
2. Tie your laces
3. Explain something while drunk
4. Fish
5. Read a book in a standing-room-only tube carriage
6. Get dressed
7. Mime being trapped in a box
8. Balance
9. Fight
10. Blog

Monday, May 01, 2006

Ten i-Prefixed Websites that Are Nothing To Do With Apple


England's Ten Most Famous Metatarsals

1. David Beckham's Second (April 2002)
2. Gary Neville's Fifth (April 2002)
3. Danny Murphy's Second (May 2002)
4. Wayne Rooney's Fifth ( June 2004)
5. Steven Gerrard's Fifth (September 2004)
6. Scott Parker's Second (December 2004)
7. Ashley Cole's Fifth (October 2005)
8. Michael Owen's Fifth (January 2006)
9. Ledley King's Fourth (April 2006)
10. Wayne Rooney's Fourth (April 2006)